I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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