Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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