is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
