At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
