There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
