Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
