I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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