Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
