But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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