He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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