For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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