I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
