My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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