just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
