It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
