just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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