out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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