you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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