Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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