You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
