Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
