I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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