all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
