is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
