We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
