That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she smelled like a LAN party
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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