Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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