oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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