sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
