just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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