Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
