i was born a porn star she said
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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