Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
