I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
