I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
God I need to hump something, right now.
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