I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
