FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
