Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
