so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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