While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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