things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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