My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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