is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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