It was confusing and full of hummus
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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