let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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