just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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