He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
