What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
