a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
