I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
