I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
