my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
