My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
