Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
