walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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