took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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