like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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