i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize