So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
