matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Please don't give away my fajitas
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
