Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
