She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
