the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
