ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
