Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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