I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm too high and old for this...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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