Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize