Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize