you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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