So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
