i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
