after a month anything with tits is on the radar
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
