She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
