rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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