its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
